Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

Hi, everyone!

As you may have noticed, we've gotten a fuckton of new users recently -- in fact, we've passed that vaunted 612 user mark where I promised big stuff would happen. Here's the big stuff!

Big Stuff #1 - Site Patreon
People have, actually, surprisingly, mentioned wanting to give me money to run this site. I mean, if you're sure about that, then by all means. I'm opening up my personal Patreon at Bearsharktopus Studios for you to donate to if you're serious about it. Total fees for running this site are (currently) $23.23 a month, so if we make about that much that would be great, but I also have a full time job and there's plenty of other queer content creators deserving of your cash. Please only donate to this site if you are absolutely certain you want your money to go towards me. I am 100% financially capable of running this site by myself at the moment, do not worry about needing to donate to keep the site running.

Q&A:
Q: What will happen if you make more than $23.23 a month?
A: Anything above that goal will go towards reimbursing the owner of the hostname for letting me use it, saving to upgrade the servers, occasionally buying ad space on MSPAF (or maybe other parts of the internet, ooh la la), and buying me a big mac every now and again.
Q: Do I get any benefits from becoming a Patron?
A: Absolutely not. Your name will be listed on the site credits and that's it. You will receive no extra say in anything, or anything actually materially useful.


Big Stuff #2 - 612 User Giveaway!
This is the fun part! If any of you follow me on tumblr you should know by now that I'm a big fan of giving random people money, because like any bougie scum, acts of occasional gregariousness fill the gaping hole in my soul. How do you enter this giveaway? It's simple!

1. Make a post in this thread extolling the virtues of your favorite Homestuck/Hiveswap character, and why you like them.
2. Wait until I close the contest on January 12th.
3. Rejoice!

What will you win?

I will pick one first place winner on whoever I thought had the most rhetorically convincing argument about their favorite Homestuck character. First place winner will receive a $100 dollar internet shopping spree, either via Steam or through Amazon (including shipping/handling on Amazon, and, obviously, you'd have to be comfortable giving me a place to ship it).

There will also be four second place winners, each earning a similar but much less expensive $20 dollar internet shopping spree. The other mods will likely end up giving their input on this if they want to do so. Same rules and conditions apply.

Thank you all so much for deciding to use this site. You are all excessively valid. Viva la Homestuck.

Xefros Tritoh is obviously the best boy, and the only character.

Vriska. Vriska.

In all honesty, the best homestuck character out of all of them is Spades Slick. He is hilarious, a ruthless go-getter, but also a more grounded and human iteration of Jack Noir. He was the only Jack who was ever willing to comfort a small child of his own free will, he chose to create Midnight City instead of destroying senselessly on Alternia while in Exile, and in all of his appearances he is only ever fighting against the forces of Lord English, the indisputable villain of all Homestuck. His descent from powerful mobster king of Midnight City down to the fuckwad who killed his own crew resulted in him NOT GIVING UP and refusing to play along with Scratch for as long as he could. He is absolutely never going to let Doc Scratch push him around until pushed to his physical and emotional breaking point, and it was a true tragedy when he saw no other option and shot Snowman.

He’s amazing. I could go on forever.

Marvus. I never really liked clown trolls all too much until Marvus. His trollcall wasn't anything interest piquing to me but upon seeing him in his glorious fully figured form I was blown away, and that was the day I became a clownfucker. He is without a doubt the best troll I can think of, Karkat coming in with a close second. But Marvus is Number One now. I would die for Marvus. No questions asked. I stan a sexy clown. (and his meta knowledge is also very interesting) I want to learn more about him and after I post this I'm going to look for fanfiction with him in it. While it's not canon it'll quench my never ending thirst for this Feast of a man.

Jade Harley.

The wonderfully fun, caring, and creative Jade Harley. She's been my favorite since I started the comic and she remained it up until the end of Act 7 when I finished HS proper. She's smart, she's wildly creative, and she has a really loving and caring dynamic for her friends. I love how she interacts with the other betas, and she's fun even with the other trolls and Calliope. Her God tier happens to be my favorite looking God Tier and one of the more powerful ones alongside that cool look. Her Pesterquest as well gives a lot of really good insight into her character and how she feels. She's a complicated character with a lot on her plate that makes her so enjoyable to analyze and look at. She truly is trying her best and cheerful regardless of a rather bleak situation.

Jade Harley stan for life

Vriska Serket.

She's not a flawless angel who did nothing wrong. In fact, it's her flaws that made her an interesting character to tell story about. She's complicated, one of the best morally-gray character I've ever seen. She made some fault (and she has reasons for it--her lusus, her projections and ambitions to be like her ancestor), had some karma she deserved, had regrets and was willing to remorse then tried to fix anything by her own way. She keeps going no matter how unlucky and hated she was, and I do wish I have that level of confidence and determination. She also has that kind of charisma I adored of a character.

Not to mention, her bond with her late ancestor. She took care of Mindfang's journal, living her self-esteem with her name, and did everything to follow her steps while wishing some good lucks from it (which is wrong but still make sense, since she needs a role-model other than her abusive lusus), and I'm not sure if the other troll kids have that kind of bond with their ancestors. I could go on forever with this--I even have a 8000+ words length fanfic about it.

Eridan Ampora would be my go-to fave boy of this series.

What started as a joke character became a threat and tragedy in itself. A young boy who is placed on top of a planet that is full of violence and death, believed his placement should give him what he desired. Though at the same time, places his emotions high up there as well. He may not have done as worse compared to other characters, but still did bad that he does get his comeuppance by end of Act 5. Sad that he didn't get much appearance aside from Erisolsprite, but at least he had a chance to apologize to his flushed crush when he was brought back. I also love his design, my sea Harry Potter!

Despite how kind and amazing she is, people tend forget what she’s done, even though they occasionally acknowledge her.

Feferi Peixes.

This is the girl who is practically a descendant to Meenah and the Condesce. Despite the people she’s related to, she is EXTREMELY kind and helpful. She was able to convince the horrorterrors to create the dream bubbles. Do you know how important that is? Let me tell you, it’s very important.

The dream bubbles are a place where the trolls are able to connect with a failed session, which not only is important due to the fact they can learn from them, but Meenah would be able to assemble the ghost army otherwise(or at least I don’t think so).

She is also the Witch of Life.

She was able to bring our absolutely beloved mayor back to life at one point, which is truly the best deed.


There’s definitely more things she’s done, and if I’m being honest, part of the reasons I gave may not actually be entirely correct(id definitely have to do more research), but do you really think the kids would be able to win without her?

Because if so, I can assure you.

You’re wrong.

Ok, so my absolute favorite character is also one of the ones that we know so little about. And when I say little, I mean we have a brief scene with her at the end of Hiveswap and some mentions of her throughout several of the Friendsim routes. However, despite knowing so little about her, I have to say that I absolutely love Trizza. It's not just that we share a sign, which we do, it's just that I have felt drawn to her from the beginning and hope that eventually we will get a route with her in one of the sims and get to know more about her in future installments of Hiveswap. I do hope that eventually we will learn her class as well, because I am interested in knowing if we share a classpect.

Ok, so why do I love her so much? Well, as I said, we share a sign. But, its much more than that. I literally have recurring dreams with her. I know it sounds strange, but its been happening for quite a long time. In these dreams, she and I are moirails. I know, I know, sounds crazy, but tell that to my subconscious. We have full on conversations and live out a life in these dreams. It's amazing and I kind of love it because even though I know they're dreams, they keep happening and have really meant a lot to me.

I don't think Trizza is the big bad that everyone makes her out to be. I think there is so much more to her than what's on the surface. Sure, she's an heiress that loves her memes, but no one knows what goes on with her behind closed doors. Does she live a lonely life because its hard to have friends when you're at the top because you have to worry about fake people? Does she hide behind her online presence because she doesn't want anyone to get to know the real her? Is she really a blood thirsty manipulative bitch? Well, maybe. Maybe its some of those, maybe its all, maybe its none. I just feel such a strong connection to her that is actually kind of hard to put into words. Yes, she's a character, but she has had a huge impact on the real world for me.

I could go on forever about how deep her character really is, but the bottom line is that I feel a strong connection with her and when I read that we could write about our favorite character, I was so happy to be able to put these thoughts into words.

My favorite character is most defiantly Terezi.

Not only is she funny, and someone great to think about when you're having a bad day, she really reminds me just to be me. Her childish ways even in a crisis remind me of myself, and the fact that she can save the entire Sburb session while making sure her trials go smoothly all while bleeding out really reminds me that... you don't have to do things in a normal way to get the best possible outcome. She also has a fearless smile in the face of real danger, and she helps me to remember that I don't have to be afraid of things that scare me. She's also a lot smarter than she let's on, and it's was always so fun to try to guess what was a prank, and what was important, and with her, there's honestly no telling. Then there's her wonderful, high quality art and roleplaying, which no matter how many times I see it, I really can't help but laugh as much as I did the first time. She really is a smart and interesting character that I just can't imagine Homestuck without. She's just that one character I always see myself gravitating towards, and just thinking about her will always bring a smile to my face!

I’d say that my favorite Homestuck character is Jane Crocker. A controversial choice, I know, but hear me out.

She is essentially a villain at this point, but started off just like any other human. She was the John equivalent for the B2 kids and this gives her special attention. We see that propaganda and brainwashing was instilled in her from a young age, but on the surface she seems fine. She’s silly, irrational, and easily has outbursts, all of which make her seem very humorous and fun to watch.

In both epilogues, she has developed into a force of evil, though she’s unique in this regard. She’s not murderous (like Jack Noir), or ridiculous (like Dirk or Caliborn), but is an active threat that's more grounded in reality. She’s become an oppressive force that much of the conflict revolves around in both epilogues. Despite this, though, she’s still retained who she was as a person and that shows in how she legitimately felt upset about her husband's absence, her other husband's death, and her son's supposed corruption.

We see her grow up from being a wacky, functionally innocent youth who seems vibrant and full of life to a frightening, power-hungry individual willing to manipulate people just so that she can reach the top, yet she does this all without losing sense of who she is.

My favorite is of course hussies lips, like look at it it is glorious.

The greatest character is, of course, CALIBORN.

Never in the history of fiction-turned-metafiction (a genre which I like to think I have considerable knowledge in) has the post-narrator been so irreverently entertaining. Of Homestuck's narrators, he is the only one which brings ENERGY, CHARM, CHARACTER and A UNIQUE TAKE to the role. Hussie has his sense of humour, sure, but his insistence on formality and correctness means his writing inherently lacks the punch that gives Caliborn's narration it's flavour. And I mean, who else is there? Dirk? Alt!Calliope? Don't bore me. Nobody makes Homestuck captions quite as enthralling as Caliborn does.

And that's just talking about his narration! As just a character, he brings a certain life to portions of the comic that are otherwise lifeless (or DEAD, one might say). He's just about the only character to have an entire sub-act dedicated ENTIRELY to himself (sans a slight bit of gamzee and hussie interaction). Nobody else can boast this. He epitomises everything that Hussie's character writing has stood for since the beginning of time: a simultaneously caricature and nuanced interpretation of an internet subculture that, whilst on the surface appears as a gimmick character, is written in a compelling enough way to outshine the more on-the-nose parts of his characterisation. On top of this, he has a wonderfully unique and recognisable design and fashion sense that separates him from droves of characters that look shockingly similar (ie every single human and troll)

Caliborn is literally the epitome of everything that makes Homestuck characters great. He's got everything.

I am going to break the rules and post to bump this thread so people know that you still have 5 days to enter the giveaway!

For me, it's Dave Strider. His style of humor is relatable to mine, and I was a fan of the SBaHJ comics (they were among the funniest moments in Homestuck for me). I'm a sucker for intentionally bad jokes, memes and other "train wreck" humor, and seeing something as poorly made as SBaHJ was an experience for sure. Dave's character is also interesting to see develop throughout the story. The way he interacts with different characters, and the way he talks/types is comical, using weird metaphors and situations in speech. Honestly I don't have a single favorite homestuck character (Karkat and Terezi are prime candidates as well), but Dave relates the most to me overall.

My favorite Homestuck character...?

I have to admit, for a long time I was one of those Homestuck fans who only cared about the Strilondes. Depending on the day, I would have answered this question with Dave or Rose. The Egbert/Harley/Crocker/Englishes just seemed... kind of bland? I don't know. It's a weird bias I had.

But that all changed the day Hiveswap: Act 1 came out. My favorite character is now Joey Claire, easily.
I see those 4 hours I spent playing the game as a tipping point in my reading of Homestuck. Joey and Jude opened my eyes to a new side of the Prospit family. I loved their banter with each other, and I loved exploring the house and reading all of Joey's commentary about it. They had emotional depth, but still kept that Harley charm that makes them quintessential protagonists. They even helped me start looking past the supposedly "bland" exteriors of the main comic's Prospit kids, especially Jake and Jade. Joey in particular resonated a lot with me, as she was (in my view) pretty clearly repressing bisexuality, something I struggled with around that age.

I think having her primary form of combat be dance was a brilliant idea that allowed for a lot of interesting moments in the game. I also like how her flashlight weapon and her journey through the house to turn the power back on are used to point towards her having the Light aspect.

I really just can't wait for Act 2 to come out so we can see more of her! It's a shame we didn't get a route for her in Friendsim.

June Egbert is my favorite in all honesty. I've never found a character that I'd identified with so much in my life. Between having similar interests, wearing the same glasses, having the same singing voice, I always felt a connection there.


Good luck to everyone else who entered :)

While there are many characters that I can understand being seen as appropriate vessels for fan adoration and cherishment, there is little doubt, nary a waiver of hesitation in my animated corpse, that there is one individual, one personage which towers above all others herein mentioned. They alone is worthy of my praise both in a textual and metatextual manner.
PARCEL MISTRESS / PEREGRINE MENDICANT

The reasons? They are sevenfold

1. Liberty.
Look upon her works. Gaze deeply into the dead, hateful eyes of the Hegemonic Brute, the impotent arm of Jack Noir and the power that she temporarily accepted (and later discarded) in order to free the universe from stasis and decay. The cycle is broken in the Forge. Royalty is rejected – its concentration of power as exemplified in the rings is seen as a means and not an end - hence their willing destruction as soon as their powers are no longer needed.

2. Reason.
While she may not always understand the purpose or outcome of her actions, PM comes to an enlightened state of knowing both the strengths and weakness of trust. The logic of her actions, though misunderstood by the casual observer unaware of the contents of The Box, are undoubtedly rational when necessary – and brash when action is essential. She successfully identified the primary threat to her friends and understands that she, as the one that brought him his powers, must revoke them.

3. Justice.
There is a clear reason why the Doomed Timeline iterations of PM were willing to destroy Bec at any cost, given the threat not only to all she holds dear, but to the Multiverse itself. The cancer must be treated; it cannot be left alone lest it pass beyond all control – it is cut out. By the end of her arc, there is no denying of her fairness and judgement. A package of swift, hot JUSTICE is delivered to Jack Noir and not a moment too soon.

4. Civility.
PM understands the difference between maintaining the order and structures necessary for a functioning postal service and the exaction of brutality and tyranny in the guise of ‘civil order’. When the time calls for it, she takes the sabre and does what she must, though only as needed and no further. Her exercise of authority, though reluctant, is typified by a desire for advice and guidance, not blind hubris.

5. Edification.
The dictionary definition of edification states that it is about the process of ‘moral or intellectual instruction/improvement’ which at its core, says much about her narrative. She, once a messenger, is forced to greatness and rather than shirk or suffer, grows to meet the expectations given to her. She walks the Hero’s Journey in a setting where many attempted but failed and faltered along the way. She does not. She accepts tutelage from the exiled White Queen; she understands the importance of listening and learning from the knowledge of others and this encapsulates her personal growth.

6. Perfection.
Gaze upon her form. No, I MEAN it. GAZE DEEPLY. This is what PEAK DELIVERY PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE. She alone is unharmed. Untainted. Undamaged. Curvaceous. PM is pure, caring, loyal, brave and (rarest of all), alive despite all obstacles. She has been and remains the only character Huss Himself has silently deemed worthy of living eternally. Yes, my friends, there is a reason why courier is the font in which its multiplicity of pages is typed. Truly, there can be no greater indication of her majesty.

7. MAIL.
Mail is the transmission of information, the binding of the human collective through communication and mutual understanding. It is the flow of words, of language - a unique feature of our life on this orb of water and rocks. The data that she and those like her transmit is an essential service that facilitates many things which we in these modern times, take for granted. Mail is more than the words on paper passed from one place to another. It has many forms; be it fax, e-mail, or a vellum letter thoughtfully dispatched via a courier in medieval times. Mail has brought much to civilization and it is only apt that an individual that fully comprehends its importance and significance is the only one to have the an actually good and perfect character arc in Homestuck. This take has been delivered to you today, signed sealed and delivered. Bask in its truth. That is my message and mail is its medium. Through her, a future is possible, one where ‘Beware Of Dog’ signs are replaced by sweet, soft grass, properly restrained and non-threatening pets. A place where there are clean sidewalks, safe roads and well-kept letterboxes. A world where newspaper dissemination is free and safe. A world where it is safe to send and receive information and its heralds are properly respected and adored. A world where discourse and the mutual sharing of wisdom brings all together for a greater purpose. There is one word she bears, one cause and one feature that encapsulates why PM is the superior personage in Homestuck.
That word is .

That's it. You did it. You made the best essay. I have no authority in this contest whatsoever but you, sir, have taken my vote. Fuck whatever I said earlier in the thread I change my vote to the

PEREGRINE MENDICANT