Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

You are on a hot date, at the top of a mountain, with a can of Axe body spray. Your goal is to take over the world.

Axe Human: Apply body spray to self in attempt to freshen up while your meals are cooking.

pfeffer-29 wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:58 pm

Axe Human: Apply body spray to self in attempt to freshen up while your meals are cooking.

[4 - partial success]
You are now a Human whose name is Axe, and you try to spray yourself with the similarly named body spray, but there is only enough for one puff of it. Your meals are cooking on the STOVE of your NONDESCRIPT MOUNTAIN HOME.

Axe Chocoman: Attempt to become made out of chocolate utilizing a dark ritual involving copious amounts of Axe body spray, licorice, the hair follicles of Mexican children descending from the Aztec civilization and the fang of an extinct chihahua-like breed from the region where the Toltecs lived.

egg wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 02, 2020 11:16 pm

Axe Chocoman: Attempt to become made out of chocolate utilizing a dark ritual involving copious amounts of Axe body spray, licorice, the hair follicles of Mexican children descending from the Aztec civilization and the fang of an extinct chihahua-like breed from the region where the Toltecs lived.

[2 - Basic Failure]

Your attempt to become chocolate through the means described fail completely. One of the ingredients you've gathered is probably fake, or, more likely, the ritual was bullshit to begin with.

Your HOT DATE arrives and knocks on your door!

Use your last resort and pretend to be the chocolate man by dousing yourself in large quantities of molten chocolate!

egg wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:12 am

Use your last resort and pretend to be the chocolate man by dousing yourself in large quantities of molten chocolate!

[1 - Epic Failure]

You absolutely fail to convince your date that you are a chocolate man. The PROSPECTIVE ROMANTIC PARTNER observes the BURNING FOOD and your RIDICULOUS RITUAL SETUP. They close the door behind them and leave. Also your fire alarm goes off.

The only thing you can do now is try to take over the world.

>New person: Introduce yourself.
You are now another person, spasificly this STUPID BLONDE WEEB who is UNREASONABLY EDGY yet at the same OBSED WITH CARTOON PONIES. Spasificly your name BEN HANSEN. You just climed this mountain for no spasific reason and just witised a 9/10 MILLADY knocking on the door of some nutcase that lives on the top of a mountain for some fucking reason.
>BEN: Ignore this wierd interaction and seek mountain dew
You do that

(Just tell me if I can't do this. You Discription of the rules made it sound like their could be multiple PCs spasificly rule 5 is the one that gave me that idea)

MP the OP OG wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:25 am

>New person: Introduce yourself.
You are now another person, spasificly this STUPID BLONDE WEEB who is UNREASONABLY EDGY yet at the same OBSED WITH CARTOON PONIES. Spasificly your name BEN HANSEN. You just climed this mountain for no spasific reason and just witised a 9/10 MILLADY knocking on the door of some nutcase that lives on the top of a mountain for some fucking reason.
>BEN: Ignore this wierd interaction and seek mountain dew
You do that

(Just tell me if I can't do this. You Discription of the rules made it sound like their could be multiple PCs spasificly rule 5 is the one that gave me that idea)

(You're good! You just have to leave at least one Attempted statement for me to roll for in the future. For now...)

[3 - Partial Failure]

You are successful in ignoring the hullabaloo going on with Mountain House guy and their love life, but you fail to find any Mountain Dew.

calamityCons wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:19 am

The only thing you can do now is try to take over the world.

And try to do so you will! Utilizing your FAILED DATE as motivation for your revenge, you attempt to convert ALL OF THE CHILDREN in the nearest village over into your loyal CHOCOMINIONS

Just your luck their is no dew around here. So you take the only other logical course of action and....
>Ben: atempt to find the magic talking deer romored to live in these mountains

egg wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 1:21 am

And try to do so you will! Utilizing your FAILED DATE as motivation for your revenge, you attempt to convert ALL OF THE CHILDREN in the nearest village over into your loyal CHOCOMINIONS

[3 - Partial Failure]

You go to the nearest village and gather ALL OF THE CHILDREN, however, as there is NO CHOCOLATE, they only stare blankly at you. One of the kids starts picking her nose and throws it at you.

Meanwhile, the fire that started in your MOUNTAIN HOME has begun to spread and caused a WILDFIRE!

MP the OP OG wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 1:24 am

Just your luck their is no dew around here. So you take the only other logical course of action and....
>Ben: atempt to find the magic talking deer romored to live in these mountains

[4 - Partial Success]

You found the MAGIC TALKING DEER! Unfortunately, he speaks a language you do not understand. He seems frustrated with you and tries to leave, when he notices smoke coming from the nearby MOUNTAIN HOME. Oh shit the forest is gonna be on fire.

Axe: Ignoring the child, attempt to roll a six on your narrative abstraction metadex.

Oh shit. Some god dam idiot started a fire
>Ben: attempt to barter with the deer.
You try and convince the deer that if it blesses you with some of it's magical power that you can help it fight the forest fire. And as a bonus haveing some of it's magic will probably let you understand it.

MP the OP OG wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 1:19 pm

Oh shit. Some god dam idiot started a fire
>Ben: attempt to barter with the deer.
You try and convince the deer that if it blesses you with some of it's magical power that you can help it fight the forest fire. And as a bonus haveing some of it's magic will probably let you understand it.

[5 - Success]
You, as Ben, gain the magic powers of the deer! You can bow understand him. You sit atop his MIGHTY ANTLERS like a throne and fly out of the WILDFIRE!

You have gained a PARTY MEMBER: MAGIC DEER!

Kidpen wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 1:05 pm

Axe: Ignoring the child, attempt to roll a six on your narrative abstraction metadex.

[2 - Failure]

Your attempt to roll a six on your NARRATIVE ABSTRACTION METADEX does not work at all. You remain in this plane of reality for now. You can make another attempt to ASCEND to a different reality in [11] turns.

The parents of the VILLAGE CHILDREN have arrived to gather them up and EVACUATE. The WILDFIRE is growing stronger!

Now we're talking. The deer or Vinus as he is called gives you the base rundown of your new powers as you charge to heroicly battle the rogue wildfire.
>Ben and Venus: use your magical powers to shrink the fire to nothingness

MP the OP OG wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:53 pm

Now we're talking. The deer or Vinus as he is called gives you the base rundown of your new powers as you charge to heroicly battle the rogue wildfire.
>Ben and Venus: use your magical powers to shrink the fire to nothingness

[6 - Overwhelming Success]

You and Venus not only defeat the WILDFIRE, you now have DOMINION OVER ALL HEAT AND FLAMES! You can now FIREBEND, are IMPERVIOUS TO HEAT DAMAGE, can MELT SHIT WITH TOUR HANDS, and, should you so choose, EXTINGUISH THE SUN.

> Be somebody else

While fire-bending shenanigans are occurring atop of the nearby mountain, you are observing them from afar. "These shenanigans end today", you mutter to yourself.

> Introduce yourself

You are former SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS' star quarterback JOE MONTANA, and after retirement, you have moved to this remote village in the middle of nowhere. You act as a pseudo-mayor and sheriff of the town, trying to keep things under control. Fortunately, there's not much to control, usually. But today is not one of those days. You figure you'll end this malarkey for once and for all.

> Attempt to throw a football over the mountain as a totally unnecessary show of utter strength.

Holy shit. That was an unexpected but entirely welcome outcome. Now what to do with your newfound godlike power. Hm..... Godlike, that gives you an idea.
>Ben and Venus: proclaim you are gods and try to make the village people worship you.

Sokota wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 5:17 pm

> Be somebody else

While fire-bending shenanigans are occurring atop of the nearby mountain, you are observing them from afar. "These shenanigans end today", you mutter to yourself.

> Introduce yourself

You are former SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS' star quarterback JOE MONTANA, and after retirement, you have moved to this remote village in the middle of nowhere. You act as a pseudo-mayor and sheriff of the town, trying to keep things under control. Fortunately, there's not much to control, usually. But today is not one of those days. You figure you'll end this malarkey for once and for all.

> Attempt to throw a football over the mountain as a totally unnecessary show of utter strength.

[6 - Overwhelming Success]
The force of your UNNECESSARY SHOW OF UTTER STRENGTH is so goddamn amazing that you manage to REIGNITE the WILDFIRE using the AIR VELOCITY MOMENTUM AND WIND AND SHIT that is produced. Your FOOTBALL is set on fire, and manages to leave the gravity of Earth entirely, hitting a SATELLITE and REWRITING SOME GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS. The Satellite is then DESTROYED by atmospheric reentry, making rectifying this error impossible for now.

JOE MONTANA is now PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. The SECRET SERVICE swiftly arrives to protect you.

MP the OP OG wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 5:20 pm

Holy shit. That was an unexpected but entirely welcome outcome. Now what to do with your newfound godlike power. Hm..... Godlike, that gives you an idea.
>Ben and Venus: proclaim you are gods and try to make the village people worship you.

[4 - Partial Success]
Ben and Venus arrive at Axe' s congregation of people a little moment after the WILDFIRE is REIGNITED. They are frightened and confused. Axe is kinda just standing there getting tomatoes thrown at them.