>ROBOQUEST

[luigi]

You guys got blood all over everything

[BrobyDDark]

>use cat blood to paint interior of ship

[Generalrabogolfo]

>forget about getting paid. go check that lever

[luigi]

Commands from irl friends:
>Clean up blood
>Search bookshelf

[luigi]

>Use CAT BLOOD to paint interior of SHIP.

You begin painting the walls of your small SHIP in the blood of your CAT, in an attempt to preserve his legacy. You quickly realize (thanks to your advanced ROBOT MATHEMATICS) that you don't have enough CAT BLOOD to paint your entire SHIP. Also, it's kind of gross.

>Forget about getting paid. Go check that LEVER.

That LEVER is actually your ENGINE SWITCH. When it's turned ON the ENGINE is running, and when it's turned OFF it's not. The HANDLE to operate the SWITCH broke off a while ago, and you've been planning on fixing it but you just haven't really needed it. Thanks to the fact that OUTER SPACE has no air resistance, you haven't had to actually use your ENGINE in a long time.

The BLOOD in your joints is starting to harden, and is making it more difficult to move your body parts.

>Clean up BLOOD.

In your attempt to start cleaning up the BLOOD, you just make a slightly bigger mess. You aren't sure how to clean all this stuff up... maybe some PAPER TOWELS? Some BAKING SODA, perhaps? You aren't really sure where you'd find any of that though.

>Search bookshelf.

You check out all the stuff you have on your BOOKSHELF. Oh look there's some BAKING SODA.

Also on the SHELVES are:
1 Box of Shoes; meant for human feet
8 Volumes of Lizard Erotica; novels from another world
4 Volumes of Dragon-themed Star Wars; not that bad despite being written by a teenager
A WHOLE BUNCH of sequel movies; these all suck, you pretty much only keep them to pad out your shelves
10 Volumes of Elf Fantasy; you wish there were more up-skirt shots of the green elf twink
5 Porn Films; relics of a distant culture
1 Volume of the Classical Epic "Furburger"; you wish you could find the sequels
6 Bottles of Gatorade; you can't drink these since you're a robot
1 Bag of Money; full of beans because you're poor
1 Toy Robot; your friend (needs 2 AAA batteries for power)
1 Toolbox; you accidentally locked this thing once and haven't found the key since

[BrobyDDark]

>burn lizard erotica underneath toolbox in effort to melt toolbox and retrieve your captive tools

[Generalrabogolfo]

>pull out shoes

[luigi]

>Burn LIZARD EROTICA underneath TOOLBOX in effort to melt toolbox and retrieve your CAPTIVE TOOLS.

You put the BOX SET OF LUSTY ARGONIAN MAID NOVELS on the ground underneath the bottom shelf, and then use LEVEL 47 FORKTECH: ARSONISTIC RE-DISQUISITION to set flames to it. The FORKTECH is so powerful that you accidentally set fire to the entire BOOKSHELF!

>Pull out SHOES.

You forget about the TOOLS and grab the SHOES first, discarding their flaming receptacle in the process. Your DEAR SWEET PRECIOUS SHOES. You don't know what you'd do without these sentimental heirlooms.

If you want to grab those tools you better hurry; that FIRE is getting hot!

[BrobyDDark]

>acquire toolage

[Generalrabogolfo]

>set fire off with head

[luigi]

Commands from irl friends:
>Put shoes on trap door.
>_

Updating in like twenty minutes

[luigi]

>Acquire toolage.

You grab your TOOLBOX from the flaming bookshelf. The flames seem to have melted the lock, rendering it unopenable!

>Set fire off with HEAD.

This is a terrible idea! Your HEAD is not a FIRE RETARDANT!

>Next.

You reattach your HEAD before the LEGS can start exercising their autonomy again. Your ANTENNA got burned off in the fire! You aren't even sure what it was for, so you doubt it was all that important.

All that GASOLINE you've been tracking around finally starts to catch fire.

>Put shoes on trap door.

You decide that your first priority should be saving these SHOES from the encroaching flames. You drop them on the TRAP DOOR, so you can grab them in case you need to make a quick escape.

[Generalrabogolfo]

>get your shit together for more than five minutes and search for an efficient way to shut down that fire

[BrobyDDark]

>piss on the fire

[luigi]

>Get your shit together for more than five minutes and search for an efficient way to shut down that fire.

You wipe the BLOOD off your face in an attempt to enter SERIOUS MODE. Now that your shit is gathered you can think rationally about the stupid situation you've found yourself in. The next thing you do is going to be extremely important, serious, and practical as well.

>Piss on the fire.

You turn your EARS to PISS mode and begin dousing the fire.

>Next.

This was a terrible idea! The only fluids you've drank in the last 48 hours have been copious servings of ILLICIT GASOLINE! The fire is more intense than ever.

Commands from MSPFA:
>Vent the oxygen.

[BrobyDDark]

>why are you even trying to put out the fire, anyway? Maybe the fire just wants to be friends. Don't be a firephobe

[Generalrabogolfo]

>share some disks with the fire

[23toedbasket]

Remember what they taught you in ROBOUniversity about just such a situation!

[Merlin]

>Smash music station with useless toolbox.

[luigi]

>Vent the oxygen.

You attempt to use the VACUUM OF SPACE to suck out all the OXYGEN. It doesn't really matter if your ship depressurizes now that your CAT is dead.

Or so you thought. Because clearly this was not the best thing you could have done right now, in respect to the well being of your personal belongings. Everything not nailed down, including a lot of BLOOD and OIL get completely torn out of the SHIP. You manage to hold on with your ARM.

>Why are you even trying to put out the fire, anyway? Maybe the fire just wants to be friends. Don't be a firephobe.

The realization that maybe the fire was encroaching in order to CUDDLE never even crossed your mind! Not that you have a mind, you're a bounty hunting robot so you operate off of a supercomputer comprised of you know what this isn't the time to explain this you mean to say "mind" in a loose almost metaphorical sense. Anyways yeah you feel super bad about possibly killing that wall of flames just now! Maybe things could have worked out between the two of you... it could never have turned romantic, no, your heart (again, you're a robot so you don't LITERALLY have a heart -- but that's another digression) belongs to your CAT. And your ARM, when the mood is right and you're sufficiently lonely. But you and the fire would have at least shared a FRIENDLY HANDSHAKE when meeting to discuss legitimate business! What a grand time that would have been for all parties involved.

Your opinion on the fire has suddenly done a complete 180 degree heel turn. As the FIRE is now a CHARACTER in your eyes (still not being literal -- re: Robot) you begin capitalizing its name. You will do anything to make things right with this new FLAME of yours.

>Share some disks with the fire.

You drop down out through the TRAP DOOR and into OUTER SPACE in an effort to share some of your MIXTAPES with the FIRE. Well it looks like the cold vacuum completely killed your new friend. You decide to take this as a lesson in FRIEND ETIQUETTE: FRIETIQUETTE, if you will: Don't kill new friends if you want them to remain as friends.

Oh, and you guess now you know why your SHIP was stalled. These HOOLIGANS have been engaging in HORSEPLAY right in front of it! You must have bumped into them and lost all your momentum.

>Remember what they taught you in ROBOUniversity about just such a situation!

These look like the kind of guys who never went to UNIVERSITY. Well you sure did, and seeing as you don't have a PHYSICAL ADVANTAGE over these adversaries you begin to engage your MENTAL ADVANTAGE.

The HOOLIGANS are desperately confused! But unfortunately the joke's on you, as they are only confused why you would ask them such a simple MATH question so randomly like that. Looks like these guys are tough AND educated.

>Smash music station with useless toolbox.

Unfortunately you cannot grab the LOCKED TOOLBOX as it is being pulled into that planet's gravity like a fucking piece of garbage.